Nothing comes easily to anyone; I've learned this through trial and error in this human existence. I believe when people turn to something bigger than themselves it is usually around a time of painful experience or a loss of believing in what they may have thought was their reason for existing on this earth. The "Who am I?" questions is one of the forefront progressions to the "Who is God?". I, myself have never had a belief in God or a being of any sort. When people would say, "I am Love, I am one with God.", I didn't understand. This notion made me uncomfortable, tightness of my chest and a feeling as if this was a lie. However, I wanted that for myself so much; clinging to the idea of being love and one with each person in all essence of the meaning, instead of constantly looking outside of myself for some crumb of happiness. How I could feel or be this way was the obstacle I didn't seem to be able to conquer in both my mind and my spirit. My practice of meditation, reading, healing from my coach(es), years of inputting the thoughts that it is possible to be your desires, manifest love in all ways, emit the source energy you were born without into the consciousness of everyone you meet, is true. Yet, how can I believe this? What was blocking me from feeling or seeing this fact that certain people have accomplished? 

I decided to find a way to come to the realization, not only to create space in my home but to let go and explore the creativity in myself to allow in all that was waiting for me, that for years I pushed away with doubt, fear, and lack mentality. I continued to find a way to losing the habit and belief that I was not worthy of God existence, Christ consciousness, and inner peace. I took time off my social media habits that did not enhance this space, I enrolled in 40 days of personal revolution with Baron Baptise yoga, I made a meditation space that encompassed each embodiment that I resonated God spirit and true love with to promote my journey to what I set to accomplish. I took the time to go slowly through my day, understanding that each judgment I put on myself I put on others. I made it OK to be sad, mad, or fearful, knowing that this is all part of being human.

After 40 days, I felt exhausted, frustrated and not much different. I still had the questions, I still had the days I missed meditations, and journaling. My only real achieved goal was finishing my 40 days of personal revolution yoga practice, and I didn't feel unusually ecstatic about that either. What was wrong with me? Why didn't I feel enlightened or even slightly more peaceful? All I felt like doing was sleeping. So I did. I rested for 4 days after my accomplishment, I laid in bed and did nothing. I let myself be OK with rest. What came of this resting period was this; God is not a being or something that we have or possess, God is space. If someone asked me, "What is God?", I would say it’s this....its all around us. For me, holding on to time was the culprit of my anxiety, fear, and lack. The universe, life, or whatever name you want to give it was not working on my "time" schedule, but what I came to realize is that time does not exist for those who are one with Source or God. Time is infinite, even after death. When we die, we do not wait for our loved ones because time does not exist. This simple concept gave me so much clarity and relief, I felt as if a 100 lb weight was lifted off my chest. If you look around you, we are all battling time, yet it is an unnecessary battle and will continue to be a losing one if you allow it to control your life and the true gift of your humanness. I am talking about the time we give to everything, our children growing up, our jobs, our vacation "time", our money, our age......God and time do not mix, there is no possible way to be with source and count the seconds. So how does this relate and enhance my life? I know that my desires will be manifested in a way that was meant to in my life, each door will open and close on its own and I have no control over any of it. I will still have my human needs fulfilled, and even have some disappointments, but the pure essence of living is in the present moment of each encounter, each smile, each picture I take, each word I write. Take the seconds, minutes, and hours and let them go....the view from this space is much more beautiful than I would have ever imagined in life.  

Article by Paige Manginello

Paige Manginello