So Now We're Supposed Wear Sexy Lingerie When We're Pregnant and Nursing, WTF?

I’ve been pregnant two times and aside from the one week I was so horny I woulda humped the couch, the very last thing I wanted to do when I was with child was fuck.

I get that a woman might want to feel that her partner still desires her “despite” their changed physique. I know women who were crazy randy for much of their pregnancy. So it does happen, but I’m pretty sure it’s not the norm.  

I’m sure there are women who wanna have sex while they’re nursing, but I don’t think I’ve ever met one. Doing it during the months when I was nursing was even less appealing than when I was pregnant.

So I was bewildered when I saw the following marketing material:

“Spice it up and remind your soul mate how you got this way, rekindle that spark of passion and romance! Pregnancy can be a difficult stage in a women’s life, the hormonal changes can be really taxing and make you snap at your loved ones in ways you’d have never considered before. This can really strain the relationship you share with your better half.

We here at Mommylicious understand that, and have made this line of maternity clothes while keeping that in mind. The sexy maternity lingerie you will find here can definitely make a difference. The lingerie is designed to accentuate and outline your womanly form in just the right way.”

- Nestling & Co. Maternity Lingerie Retailer

I can only conclude that this is the patriarchy and porn insinuating itself even further into the domain of our reproductive lives. It makes me furious that women are being made to feel they must remain “sexy” by donning garments designed for the male gaze even when they are busy growing and feeding their babies.

BTW, every site I found selling sexy maternity and nursing negligees uses non pregnant women wearing a pregnancy prosthetic. Need I say more?

I’m not saying pregnant and nursing women shouldn’t work on maintaining their relationship physically and mentally. I’m not saying procreating women should only wear tent dresses (but do try it because it’s divine.) I’m not even saying that pregnant and nursing women aren’t attractive--to the contrary, they are beautiful and awe-inspiring! I’m saying that society should not be telling us that sexy is always the goal.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around sexy wedding gowns, but that is for another day….  

The blatant and silent messages women receive about how to behave, dress and speak is fucking constant. It’s exhausting and on some days soul crushing. It gives us one more way we have to be perfect. One more way to fail. One more thing we need to do to keep our man.

If your partner tells you you’re beautiful when you’re hugely pregnant, or when your huge, milk-filled boobs are strapped into a nursing bra, he’s right, and bless him. But if he is complaining about lack of sex and/or pressuring you to have sex during this crazy time, he should grow the fuck up.


Article by VERVE Founder & CFO (Chief Feminist Operative) Anna Quick-Palmer

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